Posted by: Mark | September 10, 2011

Lord I believe. Help my unbelief.

I have been re-reading lately the story of the Israelites and their escape from Egypt and journey to the edge of the promised land. How amazing must it have been for them to see all the workings of God first hand. To see God exercise 10 plagues for His glory, then to split a sea, make bread and meat fall from heaven, make water come from stones and give them victory in battles, and even hear the voice of God. And yet in the midst of this their unbelief is pungent. Again and again God punishes them for their unbelief and their minimising of Him. We even see it in Moses’ life as he gets punished for his unbelief and thieving of God’s glory by banging a rock instead of commanding it with his voice.

It is so easy to be critical of these guys and just say in exacerbation, “What would it take for you guys to get it?”. But then this question just boomerangs back at me and wangs me in the preverbal forehead of my own unbelief. Sure I haven’t seen 10 plagues and a sea parting but I have the benefit of these recorded for me. I also have a whole hoard of other books in the Bible with a plethora of stories of God’s majesty. And on top of all of this I have a magnitude of real tales since bible times where God’s awesomeness is so blatantly on show.

But these are not even the things that give the sucker punch of reality its strength. God has been and is so evident in my life and I don’t even give it recognition. Sure I acknowledge it and serve up God the prescribed offerings of prayer, especially before meals. But I just don’t get it. God really has and really does supply all the food that I eat. God really has and really does supply the house that I live in. God really has and really does supply the clothes that me and my family wear. He supplies the money we have, the comforts we enjoy, the friends we laugh with, and purpose we live for and even the lives that we have. God supplies everything and I still don’t trust Him to keep going.

Sure I have it in my head. But it hasn’t hit my heart. Worry replaces faith. Because of circumstances lately I have fell back into the dung hill of worry over money. God has been supplying all my life for me and even more pointedly in the last seven years in our family position as missionaries dependent on God’s people directly for supply and yet I still think that it is me that does it and me that has to do more instead of relying on Him for my needs. I know in my head it is God, I acknowledge with my words it is God and yet I still swim in the manure of me-ness.

God I believe in you – help my unbelief so I can live in the sweet place of your peace.



  1. Walking on the water can be difficult sometimes … ask Simon Peter!

  2. Hi Mark and Louise,

    Thank you so much for the reminder. I am also reading Exodus at the moment and thought the same thing. How can the children of Israel see all the miracles and still have doubt and make false Idols? But you are right I do the same things at times. I have worries and fears and some times let them get the best of me. I am so thankful for our father who knows me better than I know my self and has patience with me. Thanks guys for this.

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